The Audacious Wit of "In Heat: Honeymoon!"

Should I write about this subject or should I not? Should I let the prose bust outside of my mental hymen or should I stay my hand and exercise self restraint like a pre-marital celibate? If the title of this article is to be believed, a decision has already been made.

I chose Evil.

I find myself in a creative rut, slumped and unable to climb over the wall of Writer’s Block. I figured that a good way to overcome such an obstacle would be to search for inspiration within a less travelled path. As it happens, I haven’t written about pornography since 2012.

So here we are.

The time is right for me to exit the zone of comfort and dive headfirst into the area of… slightly less comfort. Take my hand, o brave reader, and I shall gently drag you along on this journey. You can trust me.

Someone, somewhere, at some point during the course of history, managed to crack the code of Storytelling. Their cerebrum vibrated in ecstatic titillation as The Greatest Idea Ever Conceived leaked out of their nostrils, manifesting itself unto Reality.

Hear me out: what if you were to take the premise from H.G. Wells’ The Island of Dr. Moreau, turn it on its head and make it sexy/profitable?

What if the island were to be a vacation spot for obscenely wealthy furries and the animal people living in it had been created for the purpose of satisfying certain desires? What if you were to visit such a place and meet said creatures?

…

…….

…………

What if Jurassic Park let you f*ck the dinosaurs?

Anyway, some horny people made a FNAF porn parody titled In Heat: Lustful Nights which is about anthropomorphic sex workers being very “heated” about you, all of the time.

Actually, I might be selling this game short. From what I gathered, it’s a spiffy-looking, ambitiously designed and lovingly crafted entry in an otherwise oversaturated genre and definitely worthy of its own analysis… That analysis will have to be postponed indefinitely because this article is about a slightly different topic. Bare with me, o kind reader, for I am almost done with prosaic preambles.

The leading animator for the abovementioned smexy romp worked on a side-project during their spare time.

They made a visual novel. They made a funny visual novel. They made a witty, well-written, high-quality visual novel and I wish to espouse its merits.

In Heat: Honeymoon! is the brainchild of solo-developer Aquapaulo and a spin-off to Lustful Nights - enjoying the latter does not require extensive knowledge of the former.

You play as a hapless loser who had just received a golden ticket to Paradise after the previous holder (your boss) was caught by his wife. You are now enjoying a fully paid, three days vacation at the Diamond Straits island resort complete with entertainment, beautiful beaches and massive monster gals who could crush you simply by looking at your general direction. Your goal? To get crushed. Or not. It’s up to you, really. You could literally spend the entire trip sleeping in the most comfortable bed in the universe, for that matter.

Upfront, I must draw your attention to the production value showcased here. The characters appearing on screen are 3D models. These enormous babes have a plethora of motions, quirks, poses that complement their personalities and appearances. Most likely, Aquapaulo reused the models already made in The Other Game and went through the effort of cel-shading them. The end result is a ‘toony aesthetic which complements the darkly comedic tone on display. However, do not mistake my words of praise for deception, Honeymoon! remains pornographic in nature. On that note, the aforementioned babes look very nice while doing The Business.

ALT

The promise of a fulfilling fantasy might be what entices you to read this visual novel but it is the writing that shall keep you invested. To put it simply, it’s hilarious. There were many a moment where I found myself laughing out loud, caught off guard by such unexpected levels of wit.

ALT

It is the sort of madcap causticity that plays off of genre conventions, delivering some genuine gems in the process. It’s inherently aware of the humorous potential tied to the premise and its risqué scenarios. Of course, the prospect of a 400kg mega-fauna performing a sexy back massage will result in a Bad End. It is common knowledge that a hot date with a lagomorph woman can only lead to a fireworks heist and arson. Three thirds of this dating simulator are about you fumbling your chances at courting these beastly ladies in a manner only comparable to Leisure Suit Larry. All the while, it still manages to be the horny game that it is.

It’s surprisingly arduous to find a good balance between comedy and explicit copulation. It is even more difficult to nail the timing between setup and punchline in a medium paced to the beat of a mouse click but this game accomplishes both tasks wonderfully, in my opinion. In fact, beyond the funny dialogues, the game occasionally flaunts a cinematic quality to its presentation that enhances the experience. That is to say, it uses well-established filmmaking techniques to punctuate its funny scenes, such as hard cuts, a shift in musical cues, Dutch angle shots and more.

Speaking of Cinema, the H-scenes come equipped with a juicy, extra layer of psychology wherein characters’ feelings are explored just as deeply as their bodies.

Threesomes are neat, sure, but threesomes as a pretext to work out the psycho-physical hang ups of a tiger/bunny couple with you as their “therapist” are next level!

Obviously, Honeymoon! is not for everybody. Not so much due to its status as a furry fetish bait (and I mean that in the most neutral way possible) but because a baseline appeal of the In Heat universe is the concept of being overpowered by someone twice your size.

To that effect, you should be warned one of the bad endings might be pushing some unpleasant boundaries, suddenly veering into a much darker situation that ill-fits the overall tone of the game. I was not bothered by it, personally, but my experiences are not universal.

Still, one must always keep in mind that sexual fantasies are just that, fantasies. Art that aims to explore or cater to certain desires may be worth engaging at its own terms. You’ll never know if you stumbled across your new preferred kink if you seldom leave the comfort of your own bubble, after all.

Aquapaulo’s In Heat: Honeymoon! is not the kind of art I usually, comfortably peruse but the leap of faith allowed me to discover a pleasant reading experience. There were funny jokes, goofy gags, sweet emotional moments, and the sex was good too!

If you feel sufficiently convinced, you can buy the game on Itch.io.

It’s not properly finished as of yet but all the available routes can be played to completion. Once again, you should be aware of what you are getting into and reframe your expectations accordingly.

I must leave now, my planet needs me. And by that I mean my bed. My bed is my planet. I’m not going to use it for love-making, though. I’m just very tired. Sex is nice but have you ever had a nap? Anyway, review is over.

—

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We Literally Live in a Society

CW: Transphobia, Death

...And Justice for All (1979) begins with a black, trans-coded character, named Ralph Agee, being escorted into a holding cell block at the local police station wherein she is subjected to all manners of humiliating and degrading practices.

The cops force Ralph to strip naked right in front of a cheering crowd of inmates, who stand a few centimetres away from where she is, the jail bars being the only thing keeping them at bay. The entire scene is deliberately framed as horribly dehumanizing.

I Played Every "BioShock" Game in One Month, And I Must Scream!

On January 2nd 2023, I made the sporadic, partially ill-begotten decision to buy all three BioShock videogames. Up to that point, I had never experienced these titles directly save only through cultural osmosis, the occasional meme and, naturally, The Discourse!

I would spend the following lunar cycle playing them, writing down my thoughts and posting them on Twitter dot com. Today, after enough time passed for my heightened feelings to reset, I have collected those floating brain bubbles and transliterated them into some manner of structured essay for your reading pleasure - or utter lack thereof.

Did I have anything meaningful to add to the conversation on one of the most dissected and dissertated franchises in the history of the art form? You may be the judge of that.

It begins.

Brok the InvestiGator - Embracing the Flaws of Unrestrained Artistic Expression

I wish to express my ponderance over Brok the InvestiGator, a truly wondrous videoludic experience. A many-faced entity upon which I cannot stop gawking in bewilderment.

This reptilian bonanza is the second game developed by French Auteur Fabrice 'COWCAT' Breton after Demetrios: The Big Cynical Adventure. On paper, it's about a croco-gator (actual species unknown) who's an investigator, as the title suggests. He solves mysteries, beats up the bad guys, makes a few wisecracks and all that jazz. He's got a nerdy sidekick, a teenage son and a dark past. You would be forgiven to marinate in the false belief that anything about such a vague premise would imply any level of conventionality... but do not be fooled! Beyond its approachable yet unassuming Disney Afternoon aesthetics lies a much deeper truth.

This is Not a Review of "In Stars and Time"

Let us set the stage.

An entity known as The King has cast a horrible curse upon the land, freezing people in time. It’s up to the Chosen One and her friends to save the day. After a long journey, the party arrives at the final town right before the final battle with the final boss. He awaits the heroes at the final castle which was once the house of worship to Change Themselves.

Master Recs: The "N64" Trilogy

• Pseudoregalia

Let us muse over a very small, three-dimensional Metroidvania game stylistically fashioned after the Nintendo 64 era of graphical fidelity. It stars a deliciously polygonal rabbit-y, goat-y, cat-like girl.

Now, I am playing this on the fabled Steam Deck. It runs and controls smoothly on the platform but you might require to fiddle with the video settings as the default configuration is slightly blurry due to a very specific and fascinating reason.
It turns out Pseudoregalia vaunts a certain level of depth in its technical customization, one that's surprisingly fun to manipulate. There's an option to toggle on or off a retro graphical scale and character movement rate, which graciously emulate the old school console experience. You can also manually reduce or augment the maximum framerate for the whole game. You could theoretically play something that looks like a 30 fps 3D Platformer from 1997 or the most HD upscaled version thereof at 144 fps, or everything in between! The default, blurry configuration comes as a result of the aforementioned retro scaling clashing with the 4K resolution in full screen mode.
This is the first and last time in recorded human history that I will ever be this enamoured with "specs talk."

The point is, we have a darling gem with a cultivated aesthetic, a good level of polish: it will look "right" regardless of your favoured settings. I'm impressed by the extra layer of work placed in the subtle use of limited framerates for the character's movement.
Pseudoregalia captures the idea, the abstract concept and low-poly charm of a N64 title with a gameplay that recalls your memory of it, rather than the unwieldy reality. I say this as someone who doesn't have nostalgia for early 3D graphics: the game makes them look spiffy.
I shall be honest, this is normally not the sort of title I would enjoy playing, as precise platforming and traversal puzzles are my nemesis. I mentioned afore the level of polish, which is generally consistent, but some of the movement upgrades you get (such as the jump/wall kick) can be rather finicky to master. In that sense, be wary that the game does not openly provide you with tutorials for the moves that require more finesse, choosing instead to hide an additional set of instructions in the inventory descriptions. It's "old school", you see.
Older versions were bereft of maps thus making exploration a burden for those like me who are directionally challenged - both in games and in real life.
Regardless, I kept getting drawn by its world, its somber atmosphere, its tight gameplay and especially its protagonist, Sybil.

An appealing design for your avatars goes a long way in ensuring an emotional connection to them and Sybil just so happens to have one of the most striking and instantly recognizable appearances I can fathom. It's a pleasure to look at her go! Furthermore, I would posit that she has a lot in common with my precious videogame fluffy boy, Klonoa - and I do I mean, a lot. I will not elaborate. If you get it, you get it.
In conclusion, Pseudoregalia is an impressively put together jam. It's easy to pick up yet punishing to handle, it's fun and fascinating in spite of its more irritating aspects. The best overall critique I can give it is that it made me want to keep trying, and trying, and trying, until I eventually became good enough to complete it several times and even beat the insanely hard Time Attacks.
In short: game is good. Play it.

The Familiar Yet Unfamiliar Horror of The "Milk" Games

 

CONTENT WARNING: Mental Illness, Trauma

This is Milk Inside a Bag of Milk Inside a Bag Milk... and its sequel, Milk Outside a Bag of Milk Outside a Bag of Milk... and the sound of an electrical short-circuit you're hearing right now is my anxiety sensors flaring off uncontrollably.